Saturday, February 20, 2010

Motorbike Birthday Cake Designs What Do You Think Of My First Chapter (part Of It)?

What do you think of my first chapter (part of it)? - motorbike birthday cake designs

Every story begins somewhere, and mining began in Sliver Springs, Indiana. My mother was a former dancer and my father was a different story. Was I saw my father so much as a child, it was also because his work was everywhere. But I do not think that excuse at all, I thought I ran with a girl who happened to be at the bar or something just. The only time that I saw was turned over in my tenth birthday, on this bike luxury. The donation was very much, but he kept his daughter as a girl.
When he came to my birthday was, as usual, not the game was terrible. There were a few other friends, my mother and my friends there to show, ex-(the club) was very angry. My father did not do much, butsitting on his motorcycle all the consumption of beer per day. He never said, "Congratulations" to me. I never put my candle, cut along the cake. But my only wish was to "leave this place, as long as possible."
My primary school years are not as great at all. I used to go to school in our old camper, and again five days a week. My elementary school had three groups
1. The popular girl with blond hair and brown with a sandwich for lunch every day of the week Yak.
2. The Eastern Band has never had a name, but they used to play kiss chase each time in the break.
3. The third was the outsiders who do not integrate in the society. They used a pair of glasses or wear long hair or wearing knee socks.
I was not in any way INo junior group from day one I never had the chance the only thing to adjust the court, I read the book and I went to school with a book under his arm.


THX

5 comments:

  1. I like it!
    But further expansion.
    You can use these in the course of history into tiny pieces, no clear information on the use during his past now woven.

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  2. Do not try to represent you, but it should work ... Grammar and deadlines around phrases. It also makes this a little disappointing to find that another story that has become very popular in parts of the drama school ... this type of fatigue. But toherwise good:)

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  3. Well .. very well told. But we need more of what has really tried. If you think the scenario is good, and then click your story is very good. I usually prefer fiction adventure, but not too scary.

    Do you have a story. And a great imagination!


    . P ~ ~ ~ ~

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  4. PENGUINZ R AWESUM!!!!!!February 21, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    I like it! itz nice! I wish I could write well az! =)

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  5. It is a very good start!
    It seems interesting, and I want to read more. But I think it is necessary to the story. Putting more his feelings in him. I do not want more emotion to hold the characters (when I finally have to do that), but the expression of their conviction, more depth and meaning. This is the drive. Do you know what I mean? Sorry if it confused ...
    A describes the rest of your story? You already have a site / goal in mind?
    It is necessary, some senetnce a small change to improve the course of history to follow. Try to avoid an overdose of commas and instead work on creating a "flow" of words.
    As one of the last sentence: "The only thing thatJudge, I read the book and I went to school with a book under his arm, "to write" The only thing that was found in this reading, and I used to on the way "school with a book under his arm."
    Find other minor bugs and how to solve, and their story was all set to go to the publisher! ;)

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